This Floating Poo Was Way Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a selection of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. From cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with woeful writing, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final season began, it seemed as if it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the last series. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too on-the-nose. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the smallest of this show's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was hard to know where to start listing the flaws. The hilariously wooden writing? The tedious veneration of affluence and materialism? The almost wilful procession of cliches? Performances so poor they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have known it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Shady figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just really dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint homemaking as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are forced to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to say them. Rather, the viewing was like consuming a marketing brochure. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lumbering from strangely breezy, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for explicit exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.